We talk a lot about how things are “supposed” to be and sometimes forget or fear sharing how things really are. There’s that notion that we have to be perfect and part of that comes from what others will think of us if we aren’t. FORTUNATELY, none of us are perfect and that makes each one of us beautiful.
This guest post by Charlotte Butler Salafia illustrates this well. Charlotte does mention balance, which we all know I prefer harmony over balance (see my post regarding that here) but her point is well taken with that understanding.
I Want My Life Back
by Charlotte Butler Salafia
As I was hiking with a new friend of mine we started talking about our lives and families. She was telling me how she married later in life, in her 30s, and before she married she had a great circle of friends and a great career that she loved and how good life was. When she got married she was happy and they decided to have a baby. She said she was glad she had her child and that she was happy to be a mom. Then she said to me “I love family life, I love my child and am happy with that.. it’s just that…” she paused as I could see she was searching for the right words to use to describe her feelings. I finished her sentence for her “It’s just that you want your life back.” She thanked me for saying that.
How often do many of us moms think that?
I told my friend that there was NO NEED TO FEEL GUILTY for thinking that. I would venture to say that there are many moms out there who, when they were single, wished they had a relationship and a family AND THEN when they had the relationship and family wished they had the pleasures of time, going out, indulging in a hobby or trips that they had when they were single or before they had kids? It seems like we have a secret desire for that sweet spot right in the middle.
The key to finding the sweet spot is finding balance in your life. Lets face it, we all want to have the perfect home, perfect kids and perfect relationship. The reality is that no one has the perfect anything. Get rid of the belief that your house has to be perfect and that your kids need to excel at everything that that your partner will be that perfect romantic that you desire. That’s not to say that you should let your house go, not have expectations for your kids or your partner, it’s just that you will not have that perfect home life. You can, however, have some great times and work toward having a great home life without it being perfect AND pursue your passion, keep your relationships with friends and find time to enjoy the things you like to do.
When our kids are little they need a lot of attention.That’s just how it goes. I remember being all set to go out on a date and my son came down with an ear infection suddenly. I had to stay home with him rather than go out. I had to cancel my babysitter at the last minute and sit at home with a sick kiddo. I was happy to do it because I love my kid, yet I was still disappointed that I didn’t get to go out. Now that my children are older, and have matured, I feel OK about them staying at home while I go out. During the summertime when kids are home with me, I make sure they have their good time and get to do their thing yet I also make sure I get to do my thing. I make sure they know what my schedule is. I schedule time for what I want to do, I also make sure I share the family funds evenly. (A blog for another time right?)
By scheduling some time for yourself, you can be sure to do more of what you desire to do just for you. We all have challenges yet there is always a way to do what we desire to do.
What is your “guilty pleasure” and what are you going to do to make sure you indulge once in a while?
As a Mom and step Mom, I have learned to balance my life to empower my family and pursue my passion. My passion is to assist other moms to find balance by writing helpful articles, doing workshops and one on one coaching. How can I assist you? www.MomsWithAPassion.com