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Why YOU Aren’t Getting Results YOU Want – Pt 1

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Why YOU Aren’t Getting Results YOU Want – Pt 1

July 12, 2011      In Goals 6 Comments

When I talk to someone and share with them that I am a personal coach focusing on life and business, I occasionally get responses as to why the personal development industry is a sham and that they promise big results that they don’t deliver.  These individuals always share that they’ve done x, y or z program and still aren’t getting what they want.  I’m always very polite in my discussions with these individuals because I know they probably aren’t yet ready.  Ready for life, ready for success, ready for what comes next.  Therefore, I thought I’d take a few moments to answer the common question, “Why don’t I get the results I want”?

Why You Aren’t Getting the Results You Want

“The number one reason most people don’t get what they want is that they don’t know what they want.” –T. Harv Eker

Stairs of WantIf you were to walk out on the street and ask 100 people what they most want right now, a very high percentage would answer “money”.  In reality, however, when you take the time to really check in with these people, most of them don’t really want more money, they want more of what money can provide.  However, most people don’t take the time to sit down and really clarify what it is they are hoping to have.

There are a great many programs within the personal development and life coaching arenas that focus on dreams and purpose.  If you haven’t participated in one of these programs, and maybe even if you had, you may struggle with the concept of what you truly want.  Your purpose is not always directly related to what you want in life.

Once you identify what you want, it becomes a lot easier to make that happen.

Action Step

Set aside 30 minutes to complete this exercise.  Be sure you are in a quiet place with no sound or distractions.  For this reason, I generally recommend you complete this exercise with pencil and paper rather than on the computer.  If you are able to close all programs except a word processor, then feel free to do this on your computer.

First, close your eyes and begin to relax by breathing deeply.  Think back to a time when you were truly happiest.  Recall the details of that time as clearly as possible.

  • Where were you?
  • Who were you with?
  • What emotions besides happy were involved?
  • What made this moment possible?
  • What were some of the things that led up to this moment?

Now begin to write.  Answer those questions on paper.  Continue the process by looking at your life right now.

  • What could you do to bring back the feelings you had at that moment?  Unfortunately, we can’t bring back loved ones or our youth, but we can look at what the ingredients in that recipe were.  What made that moment possible is something that we can strive to recreate.
  • Did that time involve a certain amount of money?
  • Did it involve a favorite past time or hobby?
  • Were you surrounded by certain people?

These are the things you are most likely to truly want in your life.  While many people say that they would like more money; the truth is, they want more of what the money can provide.

So what is it that you truly want?  This conversation isn’t over, please feel free to comment and share your thoughts. 

Now check out Part 2 – Commitment



Nicole Bandes

Nicole has scaled her own personal mountain to climb out of ordinary. For over 20 years, Nicole Bandes has studied the most effective methods to increase happiness and success in her own life and in business. She has gone on to helped thousands of people in their own personal journeys to reach their goals. Contact Nicole if you are ready to stop being ordinary and have a guided tour to reach your summit of success.

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6 Comments so far:

  1. Nancy Rose says:

    How true! You can’t know if you’ve arrived if you don’t know where you are going. Fantastic approach to help people get in touch with what they really want. can’t wait to read part 2.

  2. Erin says:

    Thank you for this article, Nicole. It’s so true.

    I agree that more people don’t choose to walk the path of personal development because of a lack of self-belief.

    I know I used to feel like I MUST be stupid if I can’t even figure out what I want. I found out that it’s okay to start out fuzzy, after listening to years of others telling me what I SHOULD want.

    And, even more importantly, that picking SOMETHING is better than not having anything clear. I can ALWAYS change later on. I never used to allow myself that luxury… 🙂

  3. Nicole Bandes says:

    Thanks for sharing that Erin.

    I think a lot of people were in your shoes. I know when I started out spending many years in personal development before finally “getting it” I was really frustrated and had to wonder what was wrong with me. Once I discovered the missing piece of that puzzle, I realized everything had happened for a reason and in the time it was meant to happen.

    As long as we keep looking for answers, then we have no right to beat ourselves up.

  4. Amethyst says:

    Really great post. Clarification is key.

  5. […] You Aren’t Getting the Results You Want – Pt 2 Last week, I posted part 1 of Why YOU Aren’t Getting the Results YOU Want. In part 1 you learned that you can’t get the results you want if you don’t truly know […]

  6. […] Why YOU Aren’t Getting What YOU Want – Goals This is part 4 in a series of posts on why YOU aren’t getting what YOU want.  In this post, we’ll discuss Goals.  I do encourage you, however, to start from the beginning with part 1 here. […]

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